the fat girl goes to college

in all of the you're-going-to-college-now-what? advice books that i've been reading, a main point is that it's best to be romantically unattached when entering your postsecondary education. this means that if you do/did have a significant other in high school, its best to break it off.

i know that this is what's best, but its been so hard to actually come to the conclusion that i need to do this. i've been with the same guy for about two years now (which is an extremely long time in high school) and its safe to say that i've fell firmly in love with him. sure, we have our momentary moments of anger with one another, disagreements on politics or current affairs or just about anything else one could think of, but we always seem to patch things up. no, i don't know if he is "the one" or just someone i really clicked with, but a lot of...firsts have been with him. i don't think i need to clarify that one...

i want to move one and find other people, and i want him to do the same. in the long run, we both want completely different lifestyles, and i'd doubt it would work very well. but...he has tried bringing up the prospects of marriage. no, i'm not kidding; he really has. as fairytale-ish and wonderful as it would sound on paper, i don't know if we'd be a good married couple. who knows though? who really knows how it will all turn out but the Maker Himself? i sure don't. what i do know is that i would be a very happy camper if the universe decided to bring him back to me, but for now, i must let him go.

i am reminded of a very wise quote. sorry, i don't know who said it though.

if you love something, let it go. if you are meant to have it, it will come back to you.

deep, huh?

Labels: college, growth, high school, love, relationship, sweetheart

i know i have said this before, but i can't imagine how hard it will be to leave him behind. i can barely go a week with out seeing him, i don't know how i'll go on being five hours away from him, with plenty of other girls just surrounding him...i really thought i could handle it, but i'm now thinking that i can't. 

Labels: growth, loneliness, love, relationship

hmm. i wish life would go faster than it is. as of now, i am waiting at home for my life to begin essentially. not diet life, the cloistered, sheltered kind that your parents feed you for the sake of your "feelings" or "sanity" or whatever. i want it, but do i want it? there's so many questions i have about the upcoming months that i'm going insane.

Labels: college, food, friends, growth, questions, summer