the fat girl goes to college

anyhoo, i'm having trust issues. like, whether someone is lying to me or not to avoid me. if they are lying, i couldn't begin to understand the reason why they would. however, it feels as if they are avoiding me. i certainly hope they aren't, but another part of me knows that i probably won't see them for very long anyways. i just don't want to lose a close friend, and i fear that i might be.

well, i hope that everyone has had a safe holiday. my family decided to visit a major theme park to view the fireworks rather than set off our own. while i love the excited atmosphere, i could do without the crowds, especially during closing time...

i'm done for tonight. salud!

orientation is next week, and i'm having anxiety about fitting in. at my particular session, there will be no one i know to hang out with. i keep thinking about my friends, my significant other and wonder if i'll have the same quality of relationships there. my logical side tells me that everyone else there feels the same way i do, and is just as nervous and anxious as i am. however, my emotions seem to overpower that part of me...oh well. i'll get over it.

oh, this is just something kind of random and weird i found on youtube. like i've said before, i'm a chuck e cheese/pizza time theater nut, so i spend a lot of time searching for vintage vids. kinda violent, but my twisted sense of humor thinks it's funny...

does anyone know what movie the dialogue comes from?

courtesy of youtube user lastcallcleveland

the sad thing is, some of these questions aren't just regarding myself, but a lot of the people i know as well. what will become of them? will they keep in contact with me? will they get girlfriends and boyfriends, get married, get pregnant, drop out? will they change? will they remember me?

fortunately, i do have a close friend that i will room with. however, that doesn't account for the rest of the people i know. will i find a boyfriend, or any guy i'm attracted to? will i find someone who's attracted to me? i have no idea.

there's one thing i do know for sure: there is no potential for true growth in the place i am mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually. especially spiritually. for the first time in a long time (i know this will sound really bad), i had the real desire to be close to God, to go to church, to read the Bible. i don't think i'm going to be one of those people who "finds" themselves in college, but one who will be able to fully express themselves without expression. 

i just hope the food is good.