Thursday, October 2, 2008
glory days
sorry sorry sorry everyone for my unexpected hiatus. its just that adjusting to classes, college life and all that jazz has been kind of a lot to handle.
well, don't know if i have officially announced this yet, but i have finally moved into my dorm! in fact, next week will mark the second week of my college residence. so far, i'm in love.
well...not in that way. yet.
although, there is this one guy...i really like him, and i think i have a chance, but i'm not sure how he feels yet. we had the talk about what kind of girl/guy we like, favorite foods, where we're from, majors...all that good stuff. i don't know; i think he may be flirting a little, but i could also be totally over-reading his signals. time will tell.
and, with this new guy thing that i haven't experienced in, oh, i don't know, TWO YEARS (!) has left me conflicted. in my mind, i thought that i would have wanted to see him (my him) by now, but...strangely, no. not yet. some days are bad; i miss him more than anything, and i can't seem to think of anything else. some days are okay; i don't think of him at all, or i'm at least not all torn up about it. i don't know. hopefully i can get him up here this november...
i haven't totally lost the faith though: he still calls/texts weekly. soooo...good, right?
well, i have to go. still have reading to do, doncha know.
and speaking of doncha know, did y'all see the debate tonight?
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well, don't know if i have officially announced this yet, but i have finally moved into my dorm! in fact, next week will mark the second week of my college residence. so far, i'm in love.
well...not in that way. yet.
although, there is this one guy...i really like him, and i think i have a chance, but i'm not sure how he feels yet. we had the talk about what kind of girl/guy we like, favorite foods, where we're from, majors...all that good stuff. i don't know; i think he may be flirting a little, but i could also be totally over-reading his signals. time will tell.
and, with this new guy thing that i haven't experienced in, oh, i don't know, TWO YEARS (!) has left me conflicted. in my mind, i thought that i would have wanted to see him (my him) by now, but...strangely, no. not yet. some days are bad; i miss him more than anything, and i can't seem to think of anything else. some days are okay; i don't think of him at all, or i'm at least not all torn up about it. i don't know. hopefully i can get him up here this november...
i haven't totally lost the faith though: he still calls/texts weekly. soooo...good, right?
well, i have to go. still have reading to do, doncha know.
and speaking of doncha know, did y'all see the debate tonight?
Labels: college, debate, guys, him, relationship
Thursday, August 21, 2008
forget me not
my better half left for school today. part of me is slightly jealous that i still have to wait a month to leave; part of me mourns him leaving; part of me is happy that he'll get a chance to grow. however, the whole of me has reconciled with the fact that i won't be able to see him as often as i'm used to. i heard one of my favorite songs that complements my feelings. if you know it, feel free to sing along. if you don't, the words are right below.
billy joel - this is the time
We walked on the beach beside that old hotel
They're tearing it down now
But it's just as well
I haven't shown you everything a man can do
So stay with me baby
I got plans for you
This is the time to remember
'Cause it will not last forever
These are the days
To hold on to
'Cause we won't
Although we'll want to
This is the time
But time is gonna change
You've given me the best of you
And now I need the rest of you
Did you know that before you came into my life
Some kind of miracle that I survived
Some day we will both look back
And have to laugh
We lived through a lifetime
And the aftermath
This is the time to remember
'Cause it will not last forever
These are the days
To hold on to
'Cause we won't
Although we'll want to
This is the time
But time is gonna change
I know we've gotta move somehow
But I don't want to lose you now
Sometimes it's so easy
To let a day
Slip on by
Without even seeing each other at all
But this is the time you'll turn back to and so will I
And those will be days you can never recall
And so we embrace again
Behind the dunes
This beach is so cold
On winter afternoons
Ah, but holding you close is like holding the summer sun
I'm warm from the memory of days to come
This is the time to remember
'Cause it will not last forever
These are the days
To hold on to
'Cause we won't
Although we'll want to
This is the time
But time is gonna change
You've given me the best of you
But now I need the rest of you...
for g.: farewell love, and remember that someone out there will always love you.
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billy joel - this is the time
We walked on the beach beside that old hotel
They're tearing it down now
But it's just as well
I haven't shown you everything a man can do
So stay with me baby
I got plans for you
This is the time to remember
'Cause it will not last forever
These are the days
To hold on to
'Cause we won't
Although we'll want to
This is the time
But time is gonna change
You've given me the best of you
And now I need the rest of you
Did you know that before you came into my life
Some kind of miracle that I survived
Some day we will both look back
And have to laugh
We lived through a lifetime
And the aftermath
This is the time to remember
'Cause it will not last forever
These are the days
To hold on to
'Cause we won't
Although we'll want to
This is the time
But time is gonna change
I know we've gotta move somehow
But I don't want to lose you now
Sometimes it's so easy
To let a day
Slip on by
Without even seeing each other at all
But this is the time you'll turn back to and so will I
And those will be days you can never recall
And so we embrace again
Behind the dunes
This beach is so cold
On winter afternoons
Ah, but holding you close is like holding the summer sun
I'm warm from the memory of days to come
This is the time to remember
'Cause it will not last forever
These are the days
To hold on to
'Cause we won't
Although we'll want to
This is the time
But time is gonna change
You've given me the best of you
But now I need the rest of you...
for g.: farewell love, and remember that someone out there will always love you.
Labels: college, high school, him, relationship
Monday, June 23, 2008
hurts so bad
i almost let him go completely. at his party, i did let him go momentarily. however, in the bigger picture of things, i had let him go completely. i started doing things that made me happy again. i started visiting friends more, i shopped, bonded with my parents and started looking forward to the upcoming fall quarter. for the most part, i had completely filled the hole he left in me.
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then, a week or two into summer vacation, he calls me and converses with me for the good part of an hour; something he never does/did. slowly, memories of our past began flooding back and that hole started gaping open once more. it hurt for a bit, but i soon found myself wrapped up in other activities, and i came back to my healed but scarred self once more. then, out of nowhere, he mails me a letter detailing his feelings for me over the past two years: how he's sorry about not being a perfect person, how i'm one of the only people to really understand him, how the "love" we shared has been so...wonderful.
it's not fair. it's really not. i just want to forget him, want to not care. i can remember someone telling me about how they just wanted to hate their significant other so that they would no longer care about them. i remember telling them one of the only remotely sage pieces of advice i have ever given out in my life: if you hate someone, you still care. you just care in a different way. however, i can really sympathize with that person right now, as irrational and un-helpful taking a negative stance may be. the fact of the matter is that he has the only opinion in the world that i give somewhat of a damn about, and i know, bittersweetly, that this feeling is mutual (he can't stand to feel like i'm angry with him, even if i'm not). i can't dwell on this forever, but it seems as if there's no way out for me. i read this book in the library from the guy who wrote men are from mars, women are from venus on the topic of letting go of someone from a deep relationship. he says that we (women especially) need time to grieve the loss of someone important to us, and that females are prone to try to move on with no resolution, much like what i'm doing. he says that its more healthy to be sad for a while than to try to "toughen up" in the face of adversity. i think he's right, but...it sure hurts like hell.
Labels: forget, him, love, relationship, vacation
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